JOHN YANG: Talking politics with relatives# around the holidays can be tricky territory.

Amna Nawaz has more on how to handle conversation# if it veers too far in that direction.

AMNA NAWAZ: Millions of Americans are# spending more time gathering with family## and loved ones this Thanksgiving.

But more# time together can also mean more tension,## especially when conversations drift# into politics or other touchy topics.

In fact, our latest PBS News/NPR/Marist poll# found Americans find it increasingly difficult## to talk politics with each other; 85 percent of# Democrats describe Republicans as closed-minded;## 82 percent of Republicans said# the same thing about Democrats.

Here's what a few of our poll# respondents shared with us.

BRANDON TILLOTSON, Wisconsin: I do find it# difficult to talk politics with anyone who## is on the other side of the aisle,# for lack of a better way to say it.## I don't feel like very many people have very much# civility when it comes to politics these days.

DEIRDRE SALINSKY, South Carolina: It# feels like we're living in completely## different realities.

Like, they're living# somewhere else where I'm not living.

Like,## the facts aren't aligning.

The world is not# the same, which makes it really frustrating.

DAVE DEMORE, Wisconsin: People feel# really strongly in their views one## way or another.

And I think that I# have noticed that more than ever.## People are really dug into how they# feel.

And there's not much persuasion## taking place.

There's a lot of griping# and, I would say, a lot of division.

LARRY CLEVELAND, New Jersey: Because you seem# to walk on eggshells when you talk because## it's going to cause a rift or it's going to be# contentious or they're going to say something## that's going to make me angry or I'm going to# say something that's going to make them angry.

If they're going to be -- have their heels dug in,## I'm going to have my heels dug in.# So it's automatically contentious.

NICK MANUPELLA, New York: My household is a# two-party household.

So we talk about it all## the time, and we're used to talking about it.# We can get -- sometimes, we can get pretty bad,## where it's like, all right, this is# really bad.

And it's just like, OK,## we got to just move on.

You know what I mean?# Let's get out of this and we will move on.

LETRA PERCY, Texas: I feel that some people# are very closed-minded to the other side## of the table and what those views may be.

I# believe that everyone has an opinion and that## both of us from both sides should be able to# state our opinions and still be able to get## along with each other.

But it seems that that's# getting harder and harder these days to do so.

AMNA NAWAZ: Joining us with some# advice on how to navigate some## of these challenging conversations we# may have over the holidays is R. Eric## Thomas.

He's the author of the nationally# syndicated advice column "Asking Eric."

Eric, welcome to the "News# Hour."

Thanks for joining us.

R. ERIC THOMAS, Author, "Asking Eric": Thanks# so much for having me.

It's a pleasure.

AMNA NAWAZ: So, before we jump into some of# the questions, just big picture, you're in## the business of offering advice.

You heard some# of the concerns people just shared there.

Are## you getting more of these questions of people# grappling with these issues coming your way?

R. ERIC THOMAS: I am, especially this year.

Every year around this time, people# are looking toward the holidays,## looking toward family dinners and asking# questions like, how do I have the meaningful## time that I want to have without getting# bogged down by political difference?

I mean,## the advice is always a little bit the# same, which is to see your loved ones## as real people, as humans, and talk# to the human and not to the headline.

AMNA NAWAZ: Well, let's hear# from a few of those viewers now.

The first question comes to us# from Brandon of Madison, Wisconsin.

BRANDON TILLOTSON: Take a listen.

I guess my# question would be, how do you get someone to## listen to reason or even hear your side of# the argument when their heels are so dug## in that they are just waiting for you to# stop talking so they can say their part?

AMNA NAWAZ: Eric, there's a related question# that comes to us from Scott in Newcastle,## Washington.

He writes: "How do you separate## the person and your relationship to# them from the views that they have?"

What would you say to them?

R. ERIC THOMAS: I think looking at the word# choice here is so intere.. respondent talks about an argument# and getting another person to hear## their side.

And then the second# person talks about relationships.

Arguments and relationships are a little bit# at odds with each other.

You can obviously## argue with people you have relationships with.# But what is the goal of the conversation that## these people are trying to have?

Are they trying# to win a debate or -- and get one person to say,## I admit it, you're right, I was wrong,or# are they trying to maintain a relationship?

If it's the latter, then what they're# looking toward is actually saying,## I see that we don't agree.

There's probably a# better venue for us to have this discussion.## In the meantime, can you acknowledge that# I'm a human who cares about certain things,## and I know that you are human# who cares about certain things,## and can we find a common ground# about what we actually do care about?

And maybe that's each other.# Maybe that's the meal.

Maybe## it's something completely unrelated# to the political issue at hand.

AMNA NAWAZ: I love that, bring# it back to the shared humanity.

Sometimes, the question, though, Eric, as# you know, is not about how to engage on## the issue with friends and family, but# whether to engage at all.

That leads## us to a question that comes from Dave# and Mequon, Wisconsin.

Take a listen.

DAVE DEMORE: The question I would ask is, is it# worth having the conversation?

Are we better to## just not have it at all?

Or should we have# a strategy to how to deal with disagreement?

AMNA NAWAZ: Eric, is it better# to just avoid some topics?

R. ERIC THOMAS: You know, I think, sometimes, it# is.

And I don't say that lightly, because I do## know that politics is personal, and so the ways# that the headlines affect us in our daily lives## can rise at any moment and can be an ever-present# source of frustration or concern or fear.

That said, if you are sitting with# relatives, friends with whom you don't## share certain alignments, really ask yourself# what you're trying to get out of this exchange.## What is the point of engaging in this# debate right now?

And ask yourself,## is there a different way that we can# structure the rules of our conversation?

We act like gathering with family or with anybody# is something that just naturally happens.

And,## yes, it does, but it is always important# to think about how we gather and what are## the guardrails of our gathering.

And it is OK to# say, this is a lightning rod in our conversation,## so, for the next two hours, we're# going to stay away from this topic.

And if it comes up, it's OK to sort# of raise a hand, blow a whistle,## wave a flag, and say, hey, we agreed# that we were going to steer clear,## and we're -- because there are a# million other things to talk about.

AMNA NAWAZ: We got a lot of questions as well# about people asking for specific tips and tricks,## like this one that comes to us from# Deirdre in Charleston, South Carolina.

DEIRDRE SALINSKY: My question would be,# what sort of emotion regulation skills do## you recommend for in the moment when you're in# a heated debate?

How can we calm ourselves down?

AMNA NAWAZ: Phil from Fort Myers,# Florida, sent a similar question,## writing: "Sometimes, there are triggers and# longtime behaviors with family members.

What## tactics would you suggest for not falling# into those same behaviors every time?"

What would you say, Eric?

R. ERIC THOMAS: I mean, it is so easy to fall# .. know you, that know where all your buttons# are because they installed them themselves.

(LAUGHTER) R. ERIC THOMAS: .. And so to go in and say to yourself, to# the person you're with, your partner,## your -- even your children, to say like,## there are certain things that come up for# me when I'm with my parents, my siblings,## and I don't always want to respond in the way# that I respond.

Can you help me to be an off-ramp?

Mindfulness is going to be very important,# acknowledging what you are feeling as you## are feeling it.

I'm feeling frustrated.# I'm feeling fearful.

I'm feeling not## heard.

Acknowledge that to yourself and then# give yourself the opportunity to step away.

AMNA NAWAZ: We're talking a lot about# the potential pitfalls and the tensions## around this moment, but this is also# a wonderfully warm time to gather with## your friends and family.

It's supposed# to be about gratitude and being thankful.

So how can we remind ourselves# about the spirit of the season?

R. ERIC THOMAS: It is really, really important# to make gratitude an active practice,## as opposed to something you just# sort of acknowledge that you feel.

We say, oh, I'm grateful for my family, my house,## my home, whatever it is.

But it is really# important to start your day, start your week,## start a holiday by making a list in your head# or on a piece of paper or on your phone of the## things that you are grateful for.

And they don't# have to be completely unqualified gratitudes.

You can say, I'm grateful for my# home, but I wish the roof didn't leak.

(LAUGHTER) R. ERIC THOMAS: .. that you acknowledge is not a# guarantee will help you to see## the people around you and the conversations# that might come up in a different light.

You can even say, I'm grateful for the# opportunity to spend time with this relative## who gets on my nerves, because, even though# we don't agree on this part, I value them.

AMNA NAWAZ: That is R. Eric Thomas,# the author of the nationally syndicated## advice column "Asking Eric," with# some very useful advice for us all.

Eric, thank you so much.

Happy# Thanksgiving to you and yours.

R. ERIC THOMAS: Thanks so much.

Happy# Thanksgiving to you and yours as well.